My Heart is Heavy

Today has been quite the rollercoaster. Ajane' & I have been housesitting for my aunt & uncle in SA. We had a great 4 days of playing in the pool, being entertained by the crazy dog, & watching cable. We had a blast while getting a little sun in the process. UP 1

On the way home this evening, I got a call about the travel trailer that I have for sale. The gentleman sounded very interested & we made arrangements to meet up in 30 min to show it. We stood & chatted for 10 minutes. The couple as just a delight. UP 2

Driving away from the trailer the text message goes off. It is Justin (former husband). He states & I quote "how are we goin to get her here & back on the 10 & 24." Translated that means "how are we going to make arrangements for AJ to get to NM on the 10th of August & back on the 24th?" AJ has already decided not to go to NM again this summer. So AJ replies that she will call him as soon as we get home. OK, everything is still good.

AJ places that phone call & proceeds to tell Justin her decision. He gets mad & says he does not believe that & that she can do whatever.....CLICK. He hangs up on her. I being the MOMMA call back & ask what is going on, what was said by both (like I don't already know..duh, I am the momma). He proceeds to inform me that AJ is lying & that he does not believe her & that his entire family has stuff planned for her when she comes back. He goes on & on, getting madder (real word) by the minute....CLICK.

I guess my whole reason for spilling this is that I just do not know how to handle this. Jackie says I am passive aggressive. I just don't want to be caught up in the madness anymore. I am done being the bad guy for decisions that are made by Justin. He choose to get involved with another woman.....I will always love him. He choose to leave the marriage......I filled the papers. He choose to move in with another woman......I put 562 miles between us. I left town with everything I owned in a U-Haul trailer because my heart had been through a cheese grater.

What do I do? How do I stand up for what is right for AJ & be non-confrontational about dealing with this? I just caught my breath, just put it all to rest, just closed the door, & now I have to reopen the vault. WOW, I am so overwhelmed.

I Don't Want to Be a Grown-Up

Today has been one of those days that I wish I was still a kid. Riding my bike, throwing rocks at the trash cans, & playing spotlight until midnight. Not really mid-night, our house rule was to be home when the street light came on, but anyway.

I sat in church & Momma Bird put her arm around me. That I was OK with. Then she patted me on the back & rubbed that soothing rub that only Momma's know. I lost it. I starting bawling. I miss my momma, Beezy & I am so homesick. Just to be able to be near her & have her whisper her encouraging words. She does not say anything unique but everything she does is special & means so much to me; if is meant especially for me.

I realized in that moment with Momma Bird's loving arm that I am home & this is my family. Even though Beezy is 562 miles away, my family can love me just as well & in new & exciting ways. I am loved.