I am sitting here @ my parents house in New Mexico playing on the computer. The computer & I have a love-hate relationship. I am usually doing work on it so I do not enjoy sitting down at it normally.
I found some free time this afternoon to just chill. Thompson is asleep in the recliner next to me, the back door is open & a cool breeze is blowing in. I love New Mexico in the spring. Cold, brisk morning air that warms into the perfect afternoon.
I just realized that it has been one year since my last post. Wow! What a year of change...all for the better. I am not a journal writer nor am I do liek to divulge personal details. I do not really enjoy getting to root of my issues but in the last several months I have been allowing my family & friends to see me for me. I am finally in a place that I can be me & not what I am expected to be.
Thank you for loving me, believing in me, & for always holding my feet to the fire. I am so thankful for your love.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Calm After the Storm!
After 3 days of rocky water, calm has been restored to our house.
I had to get my head around the idea that my parents are disappointed in the choices that I have made. I get where she was coming from. I respect her opinion & can live with the fact that I did exactly what I needed to do when presented with the situation. I am doing a good job at being the mother & father in this family. I am not ashamed or embarrassed about who I am & where I have come from.
I am rebellious & that's an asset when going against the flow of what is acceptable in this world. I am spontaneous & that is what makes it an adventure. I am immature & juvenile but does anyone really like a party-pooper around. That is what I have been for 3 days. I was such a fun-sucker. I apologize to all my friends & family out there.
I had to get my head around the idea that my parents are disappointed in the choices that I have made. I get where she was coming from. I respect her opinion & can live with the fact that I did exactly what I needed to do when presented with the situation. I am doing a good job at being the mother & father in this family. I am not ashamed or embarrassed about who I am & where I have come from.
I am rebellious & that's an asset when going against the flow of what is acceptable in this world. I am spontaneous & that is what makes it an adventure. I am immature & juvenile but does anyone really like a party-pooper around. That is what I have been for 3 days. I was such a fun-sucker. I apologize to all my friends & family out there.
Monday, March 16, 2009
In moments like these......
My mom & grandmother are here this week. Mom is splitting her time between Katie & I as her Spring break was last week & our is this week. My grandmother from Alaska is staying at my aunt's house until tomorrow. I get to pick her up & bring her to my house.
I love my family more than anything but I feel like big goof-ball when they are here. I am such a misfit & do not feel like a measure up to all the rest. I am not married....but have been. That is two strikes.....I have a teenage daughter who acts like a teenage daughter....nothing wrong with that but I am suppose to be keeping her in check. We all know that is like herding cats. Ajane is a wonderful young lady. But as her mother I am not leading a good example....strike three.
I feel the pressure days, weeks & months in advance. I let it effect how I handle my everyday life. I let it effect my relationships with my church family. I withdraw & attempt to secure the perimeter. My natural defense. As I sit here, I am ticked at myself.
Mom gave me an earful last night after services about me not leading a good example for Ajane' by piercing my ear, getting a tattoo & being so impulsive. I know that is my character flaw & I take the calculated risks. Am I a failure? Am I an embarrassment to my family? Am I a poor mother? I am just really down & can't see any light? On top of that I cried in front of Ashleigh last night. Didn't mean to but I hurt so bad. My heart is shredded.
I love my family more than anything but I feel like big goof-ball when they are here. I am such a misfit & do not feel like a measure up to all the rest. I am not married....but have been. That is two strikes.....I have a teenage daughter who acts like a teenage daughter....nothing wrong with that but I am suppose to be keeping her in check. We all know that is like herding cats. Ajane is a wonderful young lady. But as her mother I am not leading a good example....strike three.
I feel the pressure days, weeks & months in advance. I let it effect how I handle my everyday life. I let it effect my relationships with my church family. I withdraw & attempt to secure the perimeter. My natural defense. As I sit here, I am ticked at myself.
Mom gave me an earful last night after services about me not leading a good example for Ajane' by piercing my ear, getting a tattoo & being so impulsive. I know that is my character flaw & I take the calculated risks. Am I a failure? Am I an embarrassment to my family? Am I a poor mother? I am just really down & can't see any light? On top of that I cried in front of Ashleigh last night. Didn't mean to but I hurt so bad. My heart is shredded.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Here's some Dirt on Kara!
1 . What time did you get up? 2:30- I had tons on my mind 7 had to make a list of what had to be done to get ready for TAKS Countdown. Graded papers until 3:30 then back to sleep.
2. Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds. They are the strongest substance on the planet, a 10 on the Mohs Hardness Scale.
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? The Minutemen with Jamie & Ajane. Horrible movie but love the company.
4. What is your favorite TV show? Dog the Bounty Hunter,
5. What do you usually have for breakfast? Egg in a Tortilla or Cinnamon Rolls
6. What is your middle name? I take the 5th....Louise.
7. What food do you dislike? Anything that grows on a vine....allergic.
8.What is your favorite CD? Roxette or Van Halen
9. What kind of car do you drive? Chevrolet 1500 Pickup
10. What is your favorite sandwich? Subway Melt from Subway
11. What characteristic do you despise? Liars. My entire life was wrecked by one lie.
12. Favorite item of clothing? T-shirt & athletic shorts, Jeans
13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Durango, Colorado. I found peace there one summer when I was in the lowest spot in my life. I know that God must vacation there too. We had a lovely time.
14. Favorite brand of clothing? Anything cotton.
15. Where would you retire to? I will never be able to retire. But I will have to be near an airport, hospital & in a place that has mild weather.
16. What was your most memorable birthday? 30...my family of friends made it a blast.
17.Favorite sport to watch? Baseball. Atlanta Braves
18. Furthest place you are sending this? Whoever reads this blog.
19. Who will send it back first? One of my Blogging buddies
20. When is your birthday? September 11th
21. Are you a morning person or a night person? I am good to go as long as I wake up on my own accord. Do not disturb me otherwise.
22. What is your shoe size? 8 1/2 so I buy a 9
23. Pets? 350 head of cattle, gigantic cattle dog named Rusty, 2 Weiner dos, Niles & Frazier
24.Any new and exciting news you 'd like to share with us? My mom is coming to visit me for 3 days & I do not have to share her with my sister.
25. What did you want to be when you were little? A cowboygirl, who wore cowboygirl boots & shorts. Then a Air Force fighter pilot....blow out a shoulder so a teacher/coach was my dream.
26. How are you today? I don't know. Will someone tell me?
27. What is your favorite candy? 100 Grands
28. What is your favorite flower? Sunflower
29. Is there a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? July 4th...I love this country & the good that it stands for.
30. What is your full name? Kara Louise Aston Powell
31. What are you listening to right now? The hum of the computer & the typing of the keys.
32. Last thing you ate? Domino's Hawaiian Pizza & 7up
33. Do you wish on stars? Every night. God knows what I need.
34. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Orange.
36. The first person you spoke to on the phone today? No one. I did not get a call today.
37. Favorite soft drink? 7 up
38. Favorite Restaurant Chain? Whataburger
39. Real hair color? Dark Brown
40. What was your favorite toy as a child? Tricycle, Bike
41. Summer or winter? Summer....I need to be outside. I am suffering from cabin fever currently.
42. Hugs or kisses? Can't have one without the other
43. Chocolate or Vanilla? Vanilla with cCarmel topping
44. Coffee or tea? Sweet Tea
45. Do you want your friends to email you back? DUH
46. When was the last time you cried? Kara does not cry....yes she does. In my team meeting on Monday with the principal during a very heating arguement & verbal fight.
48. What did you do last night?Ladies Bible Class
49. What are you afraid of? Being alone for the rest on my life.
50.Salty or sweet? Salty...Coca-Cola & Peanuts are the greatest.
51.How many keys on your key ring? 7....3 are for the travel trailer.
52. How many years at your current job?Teaching 7, Poteet 3
53. Favorite day of the week? Thursday
54. How many towns have you lived in? 8....I think North Pole, AK Clovis, NM Lubbock, TX Artesia, NM Dexter, NM San Antonio, TX Pleasanton, TX Jourdanton, TX
55. Do you make friends easily? Depends. I can strike up a conversation but it takes years to make a friend.
56. How many people will you send this to? Clueless
57. How many will respond? Got me!
2. Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds. They are the strongest substance on the planet, a 10 on the Mohs Hardness Scale.
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? The Minutemen with Jamie & Ajane. Horrible movie but love the company.
4. What is your favorite TV show? Dog the Bounty Hunter,
5. What do you usually have for breakfast? Egg in a Tortilla or Cinnamon Rolls
6. What is your middle name? I take the 5th....Louise.
7. What food do you dislike? Anything that grows on a vine....allergic.
8.What is your favorite CD? Roxette or Van Halen
9. What kind of car do you drive? Chevrolet 1500 Pickup
10. What is your favorite sandwich? Subway Melt from Subway
11. What characteristic do you despise? Liars. My entire life was wrecked by one lie.
12. Favorite item of clothing? T-shirt & athletic shorts, Jeans
13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Durango, Colorado. I found peace there one summer when I was in the lowest spot in my life. I know that God must vacation there too. We had a lovely time.
14. Favorite brand of clothing? Anything cotton.
15. Where would you retire to? I will never be able to retire. But I will have to be near an airport, hospital & in a place that has mild weather.
16. What was your most memorable birthday? 30...my family of friends made it a blast.
17.Favorite sport to watch? Baseball. Atlanta Braves
18. Furthest place you are sending this? Whoever reads this blog.
19. Who will send it back first? One of my Blogging buddies
20. When is your birthday? September 11th
21. Are you a morning person or a night person? I am good to go as long as I wake up on my own accord. Do not disturb me otherwise.
22. What is your shoe size? 8 1/2 so I buy a 9
23. Pets? 350 head of cattle, gigantic cattle dog named Rusty, 2 Weiner dos, Niles & Frazier
24.Any new and exciting news you 'd like to share with us? My mom is coming to visit me for 3 days & I do not have to share her with my sister.
25. What did you want to be when you were little? A cowboygirl, who wore cowboygirl boots & shorts. Then a Air Force fighter pilot....blow out a shoulder so a teacher/coach was my dream.
26. How are you today? I don't know. Will someone tell me?
27. What is your favorite candy? 100 Grands
28. What is your favorite flower? Sunflower
29. Is there a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? July 4th...I love this country & the good that it stands for.
30. What is your full name? Kara Louise Aston Powell
31. What are you listening to right now? The hum of the computer & the typing of the keys.
32. Last thing you ate? Domino's Hawaiian Pizza & 7up
33. Do you wish on stars? Every night. God knows what I need.
34. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Orange.
36. The first person you spoke to on the phone today? No one. I did not get a call today.
37. Favorite soft drink? 7 up
38. Favorite Restaurant Chain? Whataburger
39. Real hair color? Dark Brown
40. What was your favorite toy as a child? Tricycle, Bike
41. Summer or winter? Summer....I need to be outside. I am suffering from cabin fever currently.
42. Hugs or kisses? Can't have one without the other
43. Chocolate or Vanilla? Vanilla with cCarmel topping
44. Coffee or tea? Sweet Tea
45. Do you want your friends to email you back? DUH
46. When was the last time you cried? Kara does not cry....yes she does. In my team meeting on Monday with the principal during a very heating arguement & verbal fight.
48. What did you do last night?Ladies Bible Class
49. What are you afraid of? Being alone for the rest on my life.
50.Salty or sweet? Salty...Coca-Cola & Peanuts are the greatest.
51.How many keys on your key ring? 7....3 are for the travel trailer.
52. How many years at your current job?Teaching 7, Poteet 3
53. Favorite day of the week? Thursday
54. How many towns have you lived in? 8....I think North Pole, AK Clovis, NM Lubbock, TX Artesia, NM Dexter, NM San Antonio, TX Pleasanton, TX Jourdanton, TX
55. Do you make friends easily? Depends. I can strike up a conversation but it takes years to make a friend.
56. How many people will you send this to? Clueless
57. How many will respond? Got me!
Sunday, March 1, 2009
About Time!
I know, I know. I have been neglecting to check, write, or view any blogs, email or myspace for the last 6 months so I decided to appease the masses. My entry will not be profound or earth shaking but it will be real...maybe even a little scarey for those of you who may or may not know me.
I am addicted to chocolate.
Whew! I feel better.
I am addicted to chocolate.
Whew! I feel better.
Friday, September 5, 2008
So I Haven't Posted in Awhile....
And we are off! The school year if off & running. My feet have not hit the ground in days & now I am falling back to reality. I thought I was ready...can we just have another week of summer vacation. I think I might survive if we were going to school every other week. HaHa!
Not really, I love what I am doing. I think that I have the best job in the world; teaching the new generation of kids. I realized that this group of 8th graders will be voting in the next presidential election. That scares me a bit but I am challenged.
My stress erupts from the mounds of paperwork & new demands placed by the district, state, & all other governing bodies. I learned that all science test scores count this year including all accommodated & modified. Science is low on the priority list for districts statewide & I fear that my hands will be tied by administration & instructional specialist if the department does not produce. Those that know me well, know that I am a none confrontation type of person; I do not like ripples in my water. I see that wave approaching. Am I ready? Guess I'll need to learn how to surf.
This wise chick I know keeps telling me that aggressive good is the way to tackle ripples. I tried to do that this week & was shot out of the water. I am rocking the boat & not being a team player. What exactly does that mean when you just refuse to lay down & be mowed over? I don't want to go with the flow anymore. I want to spike my hair, show off my tattoo, wear sandals, Hawaiian print & sunscreen & teach the kids real science on the beach, in the mountains of Colorado or while hiking at the Grand Canyon. I don't want to be stuck in the classroom doing virtual field trips & video streaming when the real education is out there in the world where we get dirty, play in the mud, make experiments from scratch & truly get back to basics. "Money doesn't grow on trees." You are right Mr. Administrator but you'll spend $1500 to join a collaborative. Where I am gone two days a month, you are paying a sub, my kids are missing instruction time because you think that we need to sit & listen to a professional speaker spill a business proposal about how their produce is the best. You should go if it so awesome.
Wow! Now I feel better. Lord, come quickly. I am such an alien in the world. Come get me & take me home.
Not really, I love what I am doing. I think that I have the best job in the world; teaching the new generation of kids. I realized that this group of 8th graders will be voting in the next presidential election. That scares me a bit but I am challenged.
My stress erupts from the mounds of paperwork & new demands placed by the district, state, & all other governing bodies. I learned that all science test scores count this year including all accommodated & modified. Science is low on the priority list for districts statewide & I fear that my hands will be tied by administration & instructional specialist if the department does not produce. Those that know me well, know that I am a none confrontation type of person; I do not like ripples in my water. I see that wave approaching. Am I ready? Guess I'll need to learn how to surf.
This wise chick I know keeps telling me that aggressive good is the way to tackle ripples. I tried to do that this week & was shot out of the water. I am rocking the boat & not being a team player. What exactly does that mean when you just refuse to lay down & be mowed over? I don't want to go with the flow anymore. I want to spike my hair, show off my tattoo, wear sandals, Hawaiian print & sunscreen & teach the kids real science on the beach, in the mountains of Colorado or while hiking at the Grand Canyon. I don't want to be stuck in the classroom doing virtual field trips & video streaming when the real education is out there in the world where we get dirty, play in the mud, make experiments from scratch & truly get back to basics. "Money doesn't grow on trees." You are right Mr. Administrator but you'll spend $1500 to join a collaborative. Where I am gone two days a month, you are paying a sub, my kids are missing instruction time because you think that we need to sit & listen to a professional speaker spill a business proposal about how their produce is the best. You should go if it so awesome.
Wow! Now I feel better. Lord, come quickly. I am such an alien in the world. Come get me & take me home.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
My Heart is Heavy
Today has been quite the rollercoaster. Ajane' & I have been housesitting for my aunt & uncle in SA. We had a great 4 days of playing in the pool, being entertained by the crazy dog, & watching cable. We had a blast while getting a little sun in the process. UP 1
On the way home this evening, I got a call about the travel trailer that I have for sale. The gentleman sounded very interested & we made arrangements to meet up in 30 min to show it. We stood & chatted for 10 minutes. The couple as just a delight. UP 2
Driving away from the trailer the text message goes off. It is Justin (former husband). He states & I quote "how are we goin to get her here & back on the 10 & 24." Translated that means "how are we going to make arrangements for AJ to get to NM on the 10th of August & back on the 24th?" AJ has already decided not to go to NM again this summer. So AJ replies that she will call him as soon as we get home. OK, everything is still good.
AJ places that phone call & proceeds to tell Justin her decision. He gets mad & says he does not believe that & that she can do whatever.....CLICK. He hangs up on her. I being the MOMMA call back & ask what is going on, what was said by both (like I don't already know..duh, I am the momma). He proceeds to inform me that AJ is lying & that he does not believe her & that his entire family has stuff planned for her when she comes back. He goes on & on, getting madder (real word) by the minute....CLICK.
I guess my whole reason for spilling this is that I just do not know how to handle this. Jackie says I am passive aggressive. I just don't want to be caught up in the madness anymore. I am done being the bad guy for decisions that are made by Justin. He choose to get involved with another woman.....I will always love him. He choose to leave the marriage......I filled the papers. He choose to move in with another woman......I put 562 miles between us. I left town with everything I owned in a U-Haul trailer because my heart had been through a cheese grater.
What do I do? How do I stand up for what is right for AJ & be non-confrontational about dealing with this? I just caught my breath, just put it all to rest, just closed the door, & now I have to reopen the vault. WOW, I am so overwhelmed.
On the way home this evening, I got a call about the travel trailer that I have for sale. The gentleman sounded very interested & we made arrangements to meet up in 30 min to show it. We stood & chatted for 10 minutes. The couple as just a delight. UP 2
Driving away from the trailer the text message goes off. It is Justin (former husband). He states & I quote "how are we goin to get her here & back on the 10 & 24." Translated that means "how are we going to make arrangements for AJ to get to NM on the 10th of August & back on the 24th?" AJ has already decided not to go to NM again this summer. So AJ replies that she will call him as soon as we get home. OK, everything is still good.
AJ places that phone call & proceeds to tell Justin her decision. He gets mad & says he does not believe that & that she can do whatever.....CLICK. He hangs up on her. I being the MOMMA call back & ask what is going on, what was said by both (like I don't already know..duh, I am the momma). He proceeds to inform me that AJ is lying & that he does not believe her & that his entire family has stuff planned for her when she comes back. He goes on & on, getting madder (real word) by the minute....CLICK.
I guess my whole reason for spilling this is that I just do not know how to handle this. Jackie says I am passive aggressive. I just don't want to be caught up in the madness anymore. I am done being the bad guy for decisions that are made by Justin. He choose to get involved with another woman.....I will always love him. He choose to leave the marriage......I filled the papers. He choose to move in with another woman......I put 562 miles between us. I left town with everything I owned in a U-Haul trailer because my heart had been through a cheese grater.
What do I do? How do I stand up for what is right for AJ & be non-confrontational about dealing with this? I just caught my breath, just put it all to rest, just closed the door, & now I have to reopen the vault. WOW, I am so overwhelmed.
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